Then gradually awareness has come. You have started to see yourself, to see your thoughts and emotions, to recognize yourself. It was like emerging from unawareness, coming up above the surface of some level of being. And you start to be aware. You started to see the world through yourself, putting names, internalize what you see - meaning taking what you experience into some kind of space that can be describe as your inside.
First you were in the world, than the world is in you, as a set of pictures, convictions, memories, expectations. You even create your own world inside of you. It's a work of your imaginations. Your hopes, your expectations, your fears, your grievances etc.
From this state of being, of consciousness you can think and see and with some effort remind yourself of what was before state of awareness. It isn't simple because in that time, on that level, you hadn't remember things in a way like you doing it now. But it is possible like in a form of glimpse of light.
But it is not the end. You can go step further. I don't mean any change of consciousness as an effect of drugs or harsh meditation practice. I mean rather some kind of experience, that many people had. It has a very serious and mystic descriptions like enlightenment etc. It is cloud in sacred texts, rigorous methods, mysterious practices.
But all of that is misleading. It is at the reach of the hand. Nothing can be closer. There is no road to it, not because it is distant or hidden, or hard to achieve. But because it is obvious, in front of your eyes, around you, and you are literally in it. So how can you find the way to it?
The problem is, it cannot be described in words in any way. Because you cannot think of it. So it cannot be desired or wanted. It cannot be described in language because it is not in a sphere of language and aware (as you know awareness) thoughts. Because the process of thinking and verbalization are processes of you current stage of consciousness, it can lead you only to something inside the known.
The Tao that can be spoken of is not the true Tao.
So you cant think of it, because thinking is a current way of being activity. You cannot speak of it, because it is beyond verbalization. You cannot describe it and every descriptions will be a lie. But you can experience it, just like everyday experience. It is not unusual. You can experience it and return to everyday level of consciousness. You can make a mistake and start to want it hahaha, which is the most certain way to miss it. Probably there is no better way do miss it than to desire it.
You cannot lose it, because there is nothing to lose. You cannot have it, because there is nothing to have. But you can be in it, and then discover what you can't describe, but you can experience. And in a distant allegory one may say, that you can experience something different, more real, you can experience you yourself, but in a way, you can't think of, but can feel.
And probably it is not the end.
“What no eye has seen,So there is a journey of man. From the beginning to the beginning, but we can stop, and catch, and grasp, what we see, what we have, what want what we can imagine, staying in a half way.
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”