Our little resurrection

Have you ever been at a dead end? Have you ever been in a situation, where last hope is dying, when you can do just nothing, when spiritually, mentally, but really you give up, because you really can do nothing.  When you give up any action, when you loose, not only what you have, but who you where and who you will be? When you die living, and fall. Ultimately. With no hope. With no expectations. With no dreams.

Our life is a struggle. Struggle to achieve desired goals. Struggle to stay on a, not so broad, edge of life. Struggle at any price, where hope never fades. And that's what we are taught. Day after day, in every situation, led by wisdom of our closest friends, by wisdom of religion, by wisdom of spiritual teachers, books, proverbs, we stand to the battle, which we usually win. We are winning as long, as we don't give up. Just ultimately.

But sometimes the night comes. And we loose absolutely. Physically, psychologically, mentally, spiritually. Everything stops. The night comes. Utter night. And then, in astonishment, next day, we discover - that we are alive. We are alive! Really! Not wanting that at all. Not fighting about it, at all. Not trying, at all. We see, that even if we abandon ourselves in death, here - spiritual but who knows maybe nevertheless very real, we don't die. There is something that carries us. There is something that lifts us. There is something that does not give a damn about our breakdown, our collapse, our surrender. Something that stays by our life side, with force exceeding even our resignation, capitulation.

So we see ourselves again. Even though our existence is not an effect of our efforts. Nor our endeavours. We can see that our existence comes not from our will, nor our efforts. That we were wrong, assuming that we were authors of our life, which we can only shape to some extent. We can, because something wants it. Because something causes us to exist, regardless if we want it or not. It wants. It creates us. Nurturing us, keeps up our being, even if we would deny it.

This is the way, our resurrection comes. Experience of utter powerlessness and complete resignation, experience of death "live", brings us to experience of something, which causes our life. It leads us to experience, that we are not alone. We are not a subject or thing floating on the ocean of universe, a subject that has to take care of itself, of all it's needs and it's survival. A subject, which task is the endless struggle for survival in reality around.

Our little resurrection leads us to experience, that we are a child. A child that has been looked after by the force beyond our imagination. We are not something, that came to being, as an effect of random biological processes. We are an effect of intention, and something being cared of, in a way beyond our imagination, and the only word we can find and describe such care is - Love.

The night of loosing ourselves leads to the day of seeing God. Leads to experience relationship between God and man. To notice that basically, this relationship is one-sided. This is God who is "mad" about us. This is Love, which cradle nanoseconds of our life, slightest moves of our emotions, steps of our choices and decisions. This is Love, which ultimately makes us free, event from Itself, only to enable us, to allow us to see It, to experience It, to be a side of Love. It makes us free, but not leaves us, not abandon us. It sends us on a vastness of free will and the world, but never stops, even on flash of consciousness, to take care of us.

Our little resurrection has one message for us. We are perfectly safe. Nothing can harm us. And another message. There are only chances and possibilities in life. All the rest is an effect of our wrong perceiving. Perceiving ourselves as an object floating on the rough, hostile ocean of life.

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This is a translation of my text in my native language. So... there can be mistakes :)

We are addicts

Every concept is false. Every definition is misleading. Every term is just a mark. All of it comes from greed. From desire to fulfill our inside. To get the world. To have it.

So. What we want. All these explanations, all these methods, all this wisdom, is another trap. Another burden. Another prison.

We will repeat and repeat this again, till we break down or fall. And then, there is a chance. To see the truth.

The truth beyond words. Or above. The truth that can't be said or explain. The truth that exist.

But we still desire. That's how we are. We are looking for. We are looking around. And that, exactly, makes us suffer, unfulfilled, unhappy.

Better ways, better methods, better actions, better techniques, more words full of wisdom are just one more, little more comfortable, drive to the hell we live in.

In truth, there is nothing to desire. Nothing to gain, or achieve. All these attitudes are ramifications of the big bang. The first sin. The change of our nature. The feeling of sweetness of fulfilling our will.

Yeah. It is sweet. It is good. When it is, as we know/think it should be. When we find, what we are looking for. Yeah. Thats a pleasure. That's a jolt of energy, flowing through our mind and body. Yeah, we desire it. And yeah, we are addicts.

And as with every addiction, removal of that source of pleasure, cause us to suffer. So we struggle for a remedy. To get what we want. And there are many ways to get it. You have to put more effort in your struggle to achieve what you want. You have to have a strong and clear desire, what you want. You must organize your life and manage your time. You must work with your emotions.

And yes! There is a chance for success. At least for a while. You can get it! You just have to strive harder. To be patient. To not give up. And.. in an ocean of discontent, which you are aware of, or unaware, you may get a moments of real pleasure. That drug, which gives you - ecstasy.

If you wouldn't get these dosages of pleasure, you may reject drug, or give up to try to get it. It may lead you to the night of suffering but in the end, you may find yourself free from addiction.

But. There is a good message. It won't go that way. You will get your dose of pleasure. Just enough to keep you running for another jolt. To keep you as a client in that cosmic endeavour.