Have you ever been at a dead end? Have you ever been in a situation, where last hope is dying, when you can do just nothing, when spiritually, mentally, but really you give up, because you really can do nothing. When you give up any action, when you loose, not only what you have, but who you where and who you will be? When you die living, and fall. Ultimately. With no hope. With no expectations. With no dreams.
Our life is a struggle. Struggle to achieve desired goals. Struggle to stay on a, not so broad, edge of life. Struggle at any price, where hope never fades. And that's what we are taught. Day after day, in every situation, led by wisdom of our closest friends, by wisdom of religion, by wisdom of spiritual teachers, books, proverbs, we stand to the battle, which we usually win. We are winning as long, as we don't give up. Just ultimately.
But sometimes the night comes. And we loose absolutely. Physically, psychologically, mentally, spiritually. Everything stops. The night comes. Utter night. And then, in astonishment, next day, we discover - that we are alive. We are alive! Really! Not wanting that at all. Not fighting about it, at all. Not trying, at all. We see, that even if we abandon ourselves in death, here - spiritual but who knows maybe nevertheless very real, we don't die. There is something that carries us. There is something that lifts us. There is something that does not give a damn about our breakdown, our collapse, our surrender. Something that stays by our life side, with force exceeding even our resignation, capitulation.
So we see ourselves again. Even though our existence is not an effect of our efforts. Nor our endeavours. We can see that our existence comes not from our will, nor our efforts. That we were wrong, assuming that we were authors of our life, which we can only shape to some extent. We can, because something wants it. Because something causes us to exist, regardless if we want it or not. It wants. It creates us. Nurturing us, keeps up our being, even if we would deny it.
This is the way, our resurrection comes. Experience of utter powerlessness and complete resignation, experience of death "live", brings us to experience of something, which causes our life. It leads us to experience, that we are not alone. We are not a subject or thing floating on the ocean of universe, a subject that has to take care of itself, of all it's needs and it's survival. A subject, which task is the endless struggle for survival in reality around.
Our little resurrection leads us to experience, that we are a child. A child that has been looked after by the force beyond our imagination. We are not something, that came to being, as an effect of random biological processes. We are an effect of intention, and something being cared of, in a way beyond our imagination, and the only word we can find and describe such care is - Love.
The night of loosing ourselves leads to the day of seeing God. Leads to experience relationship between God and man. To notice that basically, this relationship is one-sided. This is God who is "mad" about us. This is Love, which cradle nanoseconds of our life, slightest moves of our emotions, steps of our choices and decisions. This is Love, which ultimately makes us free, event from Itself, only to enable us, to allow us to see It, to experience It, to be a side of Love. It makes us free, but not leaves us, not abandon us. It sends us on a vastness of free will and the world, but never stops, even on flash of consciousness, to take care of us.
Our little resurrection has one message for us. We are perfectly safe. Nothing can harm us. And another message. There are only chances and possibilities in life. All the rest is an effect of our wrong perceiving. Perceiving ourselves as an object floating on the rough, hostile ocean of life.
This is a translation of my text in my native language. So... there can be mistakes :)